So...
I've been in NYC for two weeks. I passed bartending school, which I am VERY thankful for, now I can find a job that will give me enough cash until I can teach yoga. It's the finding the job that's the hard part. But I will get there. I am now a mixology wizard and it's pretty neat.
My yoga teacher certification started last week with Atmananda Yoga Sequence. It's amazing. Hands down. I am sore as hell and am still attempting to master the more difficult poses. The spiritual and mental transformation is unreal to me. I am more peaceful, content, and have more love for myself. My meditation has been taken to a higher level. I have learned somewhat about Ayurveda and Macrobiotic cooking. I am just so thankgul for this opportunity. I have tried for two years to get to yoga school, but was always set back. And yet...here I am...finally. Wow.
Sydney Joy. My sweet baby.
I miss her so much.
My daughter had to stay in WV with my Mom for this month because yoga school is very time consuming and I have to find my own apartment. I know that I will see her next weekend snd she will be coming to live with me in May. It still hurts though. Not to wake up to her little face, hear her feet running through the house, reading her stories, or even just lying beside her and watching a movie. Ever since she was born it has been me and her. Even when her father was around...it was her and I. We are a package deal, two peas in a pod, one in the same. She is my heart, my dreams, and my inspiration.
In order to share a fulfilling life with her I need to do what I am doing now. Sydney will learn from me to follow her dreams, work hard, and never take no for an answer. Oh, but how my heart aches. I watch videos of her on my phone every night and day. When I take the train in the a.m. and when I go to bed in the p.m.
What a beautiful life we will share. I am her mother before anything. I do this for myself and thus I do this for her...for our life and for her future.
How lucky I am to have my Mother to help me, she told me that I need to fo this...to find myself after all that I have been through and to get to where I am going. I complain about her sometimes and we butt heads...but I am my Mothers daughter and I realize she wants me to be happy.
Kristina...my rock, the best friend that I have ever had. She helps me with Sydney during this time and is that creative loving force that Sydney needs when I am not around. She is everything good and I do not know if she realizes the contents of her heart, but they are pure and they deserve only the best. I only hope to be the friend to her that she is to me...not even really a friend, she is my sister.
I am proud of myself. It's been a long time coming. But I'm here. I'm looking fear in the face and saying "Come get me...I'm ready for you".
