Letting you go...

Some people come into your life...and you think that they will be there forever.
You go through things together.
Then they become selfish and self absorbed.

They start to chap your ass...and you let them fly away.

That's life.

It's what's happening to me now.

I have a friend who really chaps my ass. I cannot even call them my friend anymore. They drain all of my energy and I give to them but they never give back to me. Friendship is a two way street, but this person doesn't understand that. Doesn't care.

It's time to let them fly away. Cut off all ties. Forget it.

Have a beautiful life. I wish you the best. But I have outgrown you.

Adios...

Wits End

Just when things begin to become perfect...life throws you another curve ball. I am 4 days away from NYC and life hit me hard. BAM!

So...question is, do I flake out or do I face it and deal with. What's there to face though? How do I get through this? What the fuck can I do? Jesus can I breathe? Am I really as strong as you're trying to prove me to be?

I don't know where I am going with this and I have no idea where this will lead. All I know is that I need to put the puzzle together and figure this thing out. Prayer, wisdom, and common sense...

I am nearing my wits end...

Breathe.

Packing

So...there's a game in life called picking up and moving on. That's what I am doing right now. More like packing it up and taking my arse to the beautiful city of NY. I feel liberated and at the same time I feel shitty. I hate packing. I hate moving. I hate doing it by myself. I hate. Breathe. I hate. Breathe. I feel better.

I have been learning how to let my anger out and feel mighty good about it too. I don't have to be happy all the time. In fact being angry makes me happier than holding it all in.

Deena Levy asked me during one of my acting exercises..."Who made you angry?!" My reply within myself while letting go and finally belting out that gut wrenching BBBBBBIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! was myself.

Angry. ANGRY! Because I had let myself become someone that I was not. Angry because I left myself. Angry because I had built my life around someone. That is not the way I want to live and it's over now. Angry because I was with a man who I had to do everything for and did not support me. Angry with past experiences and childhood scars. ANGRY. period. ANGRY.

Wow...
and damn that felt good...
by the end of the exercise I was finding a soft spot in my body, deep in my soul.
I felt HOPEFUL! I felt LOVED! I felt NEW!

I have been reliving that experience over and over again since that day.

So every time I feel stress coming on or every time I feel anxiety I say. Woah. Wait. Why do you feel this way. Look at where you came from and where you are going. Why are you lucky?

I am lucky because of:
Laughter
Sydney
Friends
Family
Yoga School
Theatre Study
Spring
Veganism
Talent
Virtue
Progress

....then it comes together and I breathe, I meditate, I am one with my future....

Packing may suck, but I am moving forward...