So...there's a game in life called picking up and moving on. That's what I am doing right now. More like packing it up and taking my arse to the beautiful city of NY. I feel liberated and at the same time I feel shitty. I hate packing. I hate moving. I hate doing it by myself. I hate. Breathe. I hate. Breathe. I feel better.
I have been learning how to let my anger out and feel mighty good about it too. I don't have to be happy all the time. In fact being angry makes me happier than holding it all in.
Deena Levy asked me during one of my acting exercises..."Who made you angry?!" My reply within myself while letting go and finally belting out that gut wrenching BBBBBBIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! was myself.
Angry. ANGRY! Because I had let myself become someone that I was not. Angry because I left myself. Angry because I had built my life around someone. That is not the way I want to live and it's over now. Angry because I was with a man who I had to do everything for and did not support me. Angry with past experiences and childhood scars. ANGRY. period. ANGRY.
Wow...
and damn that felt good...
by the end of the exercise I was finding a soft spot in my body, deep in my soul.
I felt HOPEFUL! I felt LOVED! I felt NEW!
I have been reliving that experience over and over again since that day.
So every time I feel stress coming on or every time I feel anxiety I say. Woah. Wait. Why do you feel this way. Look at where you came from and where you are going. Why are you lucky?
I am lucky because of:
Laughter
Sydney
Friends
Family
Yoga School
Theatre Study
Spring
Veganism
Talent
Virtue
Progress
....then it comes together and I breathe, I meditate, I am one with my future....
Packing may suck, but I am moving forward...
